Page I
...the difference between your life and mine is that yours has become so large. it suddenly outgrew you and i'm not going to pretend i understand or know what that feels like. it has fallen outside of your control in some ways. long after you've gone people are going to talk about you and have opinions, complete strangers who never knew who you were. that's how large you've become. it's a strange sort of existence and i can't blame people for confusing it with immortality.
with me it's different. i am small. my life is small and strangers don't care about what i do. i realize there is a freedom in that. i know some people who like me and there are some who love me. they are the ones who care about what happens to me. when i've gone they are the only ones who will reminisce and then no one will know who i was. but that doesn't bother me. instinctually i've always known that what i have is enough. it's only human to crave more.
i don't know what i'd do if my life outgrew me. i'd have to remind myself of my original size all the time, like alice...
Page II
part II:
there are people who i've never met who will be with me when i die.
there are some people who i am afraid of meeting. they would make me nervous.
there are some people who i have borrowed from.
there are people who i've never met yet clutched to my chest, wearing out their likeness within me like a beloved teddy bear.
if i ever met them i would tell them, "i'm sorry."
i never knew you.
